Creativity in Lockdown

I was planning today to write about something fun, possibly my favorite brands at the moment, clothing trends I love in 2021 or possibly even trends I can't stand! However when I sat down to start writing today I couldn't help but feel deflated. It's currently 11pm in the evening, and I've had a very minimally productive day. I had around 12 things on my to do list today including exercise, some creative sewing, and taking some photos for instagram, but yet, I probably ticked off maybe two things.

I know I should possibly be proud of that, as in lockdown even two things is an achievement, but I just can't help feeling like I'm stuck in a rut, and I've had the realisation that this third lockdown is really starting to get to me. For those of my Aussie friends who have hardly had any of the effects of the pandemic apart from not being able to travel, you may not understand this feeling. Of course it's nice to have the time for creativity and relaxation, but the days repeat, over and over again.

It feels to be a constant battle in the mind, on one hand being grateful I have this time to create and relax, and on the other hand being so internally frustrated that we're stuck inside. Sometimes my brain wants to get a million things done and be super productive, and the next minute I want to curl up in a ball in the middle of the floor and cry. Perhaps the biggest struggle of all is the mental toll this past year can take on a person, and the fact that I should give myself time to chill, but at the same time if I'm not being productive my brain just shuts down.

Honestly I'm not even sure where this blog post is going, I'm just word splurging at this point. I constantly have this urgency to propel myself forward in creativity and life, and then somehow end up having days like today where I just... do.... nothing. It's almost like I'm constantly waiting for a sign or for something to be like, "yes! start now!" and when it inevitably doesn't come, I just don't do what I want to do. It's like a level of procrastination like no other. When am I ever going to have this time again to just create and be with myself?

This little word splurge has actually helped a bit I think, and a few tears have been shed. So if you waded through to the end of this word jumble mess that didn't really merge into a proper blog post, thanks <3 I hope you're doing okay.

Love, AKA

The AK Clubhouse

Bit of a random thing to write about, but I have been pondering the future a lot recently, and although I know that fashion design will the biggest part of that, I have been pondering interior design a lot recently also. I've been doing a lot of pinteresting, reading interior design books, and even creating a decor highlight on my instagram (lots of effort I know). But with all of this thinking about interior design, I've decided to study it as my minor when I study fashion design in the future.

However this is a tad off-topic. What I really want to talk about in this post is some ideas I have for the future, and how I am going to start integrating this love for interiors and decor into my day-to-day. Now although I often thrift decor now (when charity shops are open) I'm constantly reminded that in the next few years I'll be back over the other side of the world again in Australia, meaning anything I want to keep I have to take with me or pay through-the-roof shipping fees. So keeping this in mind, rather than hoarding too too many things (I still do have too many things however), I have turned my sights to some planning for the future.

Now as you may or may not know, depending on if you know me personally or not, my family have a large building seperate from the main house, in our backyard. Half of this building is a shed full of tools, building materials, spiders and probably snakes also (Good old Aus), and the other half is what my family have dubbed 'the toy room' since it was built when I was a small child (there is a wall between the two as well, in case you were wondering if my parents let their kids play with spiders and snakes).

The 'toy room' was affectionately named because originally, it was a room with our toys in it as a kid. A huge playroom that overlooks a small jungle out the back of the building was a dream whilst growing up. As myself and my two younger bros have grown up, it's morphed into a music room with our guitars and music equipment, a games room with the boys game consoles, and most recently, a mini apartment for my cousin, her fiancé and their little baby whilst they save for a house.

When I go back to Australia, as I'm going to be studying (hopefully... if I get in...) I'll be living back at home again, and my parents have planned to pop me & all my things up in that room as a mini apartment for myself. This gets me extremely excited as now I will have a huge space to deck out all for me! The space has it's own bathroom, outdoor kitchen, and outdoor dining space overlooking the mini jungle also! Although it has always been called 'the toy room' regardless of what's inside, I decided to shake things up, and whenever I move in it will be deemed 'The Clubhouse'.

I decided on this name for a few reasons. The first being that a 'clubhouse' has some ties to childhood and toys, so it still ties in with it's original name. And the second being that I want this space to be one of the most fun and inspiring places to live (on a budget) ever! I've got some big ideas too, so buckle in!

As someone who designs and creates clothing, and will be doing a lot of that for uni (again, hopefully), a corner of the room will be dedicated to all things designing and sewing! Some equipment like a cutting table, sewing machine (duh), overlocker, mannequin, and a clothing rack for my creations to name a few! I want this space to be extremely functional and always ready in a second to go when inspiration strikes.

I also will cordon off a very small corner with some shelving around it to fashion a mini bedroom! All I really need in this space is my bed and a little side table! The shelving can act as a wall, and with a blanket or backing hung over it, it will create a seperate bedroom area to the living area, and maybe even work as a backdrop for my youtube!

Another idea I absolutely love at the moment is getting a big big mirror and placing it in a well lit location with a beautiful rug underneath. I'd love to set up clothing racks in a U shape around the mirror to act almost as a backdrop for taking outfit pictures! I want this area to be open with all my clothing and shoes on show, so that it is easy to plan outfits at a seconds notice.

In terms of decor, I'm loving wild pops of colour, pastel walls, and obscure pieces of art and decor scattered around. I would love to paint a massive mural on one of the walls to really make the entire room pop. I want to cover the walls in art and inspiration, and really make it a space where I can be inspired no matter where I am in the room.

So anyways, if you want to see more images like the above, I have been adding to my 'decor' pinterest almost daily! https://pin.it/29kOaLb And if you want to follow along with the transformation of the clubhouse, subscribe to me on youtube at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuS0eh1DVC4-BxJQ6pGtfwA

I hope you enjoyed this lengthy word-spew about my future decor dreams, but please follow along with the journey of the clubhouse! I can't wait to show you <3

All images from Pinterest.

That new years post

First of all I'd like to start out by saying that earlier this week I was contemplating whether or not to write one of these new year posts. As we know I don't like the typical so I thought to myself "No! Don't fall into the reminiscent trap society sets for us, look to the future!" but nonetheless here I am because well, fuck it.

At the start of 2020 I was working for a prestigious Dermatologist's office as a Dermal Therapist. For someone that started that job 3 months after graduating from the Dermal Science course, and for someone of 18 years of age, that should have satisfied me. But it didn't complete me. I decided early on in the year to move to London with my partner. This was a huge decision to make at ages 19 and 21, but we felt our creativity was limited in the situations we were in and needed to make a break for it.

About a month before we moved, news articles and media outlets were yelling about a new deadly virus stemming from Wuhan, China. At the time, health professionals thought 'it may kill 50,000 people worldwide'. We still thought it would be one of those awful things you hear about in the news from overseas but never experience or come into direct effect of (as are most things that come with the privilege of growing up in a first world country). Closer to our take off date, we cancelled our stop over of 4 days in Abu Dhabi, for fears if they locked down when we got there, we may get stuck.

Regardless of all of this, we still took off with enthusiasm, looking forward to the adventures ahead. By the time we landed in London's Heathrow airport, the situation had vastly changed. We had 4 nights booked at a hotel, and although the media outlets were all screaming about a lockdown, we still enjoyed our time visiting Buckingham Palace, Oxford Street and more. However the day before we were supposed to head to our airbnb we had booked for the next 2 weeks whilst we found a place to live, the media were announcing a national UK lockdown.

Swooping to our rescue was some family of mine that live in the Isle of Wight of the UK. They owned an airbnb there that was getting consistent cancellations from that day onward due to the lockdown announcement. They invited us to come and stay there, away from the epicentre of the Coronavirus outbreak in London, and alongside that, away from the stress that came with it. We were devastated that our dream trip plans were changing so rapidly, however so extremely grateful that we had somewhere safe to stay where we didn't have to worry about paying rent (Trudi and Kev if you read this we are forever indebted to you), finding a place to live in a global pandemic, or worry about moving from hotel to airbnb and back again whilst everything was kicking off colossally. We left London on the 19th of March, just 4 days after arriving, and only 1 day before the announcement of the first national Lockdown.

Although this airbnb was beautiful, nestled into the quiet seaside town of Ventnor on the Isle of Wight, this was the time my mental health hit it's all time low. Some days I couldn't get off the couch the entire day, I would go 2 or 3 days without a shower (gross I know), and the thought of washing the dishes or cleaning the kitchen felt so overwhelming I would almost break down over it. Although this was a truly dark time in my mind and one I don't like to look back to, I'm so grateful I went through that to realise the extent of my mental health issues and start addressing things. At some point I realised this had to change, and started to do things that made me happy. I watched countless documentaries about famous fashion designers, I called my family in Australia as much as I could bear (sometimes I would hang up and just sob because I missed them so much), and I spent time watching film after film with my partner.

We slowly started to plan for the move back to London and the job hunt began. Although it was risky, we had to get to a place where regardless of the pandemic our lives could go on to a certain extent. On the Isle of Wight as nice as it was to be there, we felt our lives were on pause. Together with a close friend already in London, we virtually viewed apartments until we found one that seemed right, and organised a move in date. From this point forward things felt extremely stressful, but we felt as though there was motion again, and the cogs began to turn to lead us back to normality.

Heading back into London feels like such a strange and stressful time when I look back. We were heading into a situation where we would be locked into paying rent in London, and on top of that, we were unemployed and functioning off our savings we had brought with us - even to the point of having to borrow money from family. It was a frantic time of 50% wanting to experience as much as we could with the restrictions (disclaimer: not breaking rules, just going for walks and making the most of our time), and 50% total fucking terror of what could happen next.

Eventually we both secured jobs, were able to pay our rent and start building our lives here little by little. I have to admit at this time although my depressive state had lightened and I was more creative and productive, my anxiety was at an all time high. Not knowing what would happen next with the world, not knowing how secure our jobs would be and just living in a massive new city was extremely frightening. Despite all of this I pushed through it and when restrictions started to ease we were able to go out for dinner, see films and visit different areas of the city we weren't able to as of yet. Although the virus was still rampaging the world, normality took on a new meaning in our lives, and some sense of routine could continue.

Things went on like this until November 5th when the second lockdown took place. We headed out for one last (socially distanced) dinner on November 4th to celebrate our 4 year anniversary that was happening the next day when everything would be closed again. I can testify that this 'stop/start' way of working is absolutely exhausting as you get into a rhythm working a certain amount of days per week, and when that keeps being put on pause (weeks inside, working from home, constantly sitting) to play (standing for 10 hours a day 5 days a week, constantly paying attention to new rules and regulations regarding the virus and safety measures in the workplace) is the most tiring thing I have experienced in life as of yet.

On December 2nd we were allowed back to work again, and a new 'tiered' system was in place going from the lightest restrictions and a light amount of cases (tier 1) to very heavy restrictions and worsening cases (tier 3). Regardless of this we thought things may start to get better soon as the vaccine was announced with a high success rate, and regardless of which tier we were in retail would still be open, so we would still be working.

Heading into the holiday season people started to get sick of the rules, even disregarding them altogether. People would refuse to wear masks in crowded places, meet up in large groups despite the risk of spreading the virus, and even go so far as to say that regardless of the cases, life had to go on (this logic makes absolutely 0 sense to me, life can't go on as normal when people are dying??). Inevitably as a result of this mass mentality, there was a sharp spike in cases, prompting the government to take tougher measures.

On December 19th, I was working 10-7.30, starting my second day of five in a row for that week. Heading into the day I was feeling tired, thinking I still had four days of work before another day off. By around 2pm rumours were floating around media outlets about an announcement of tier 4 commencing in the next few days, and by around 6pm the government had announced that at 12am tier 4 would be introduced, and retail would close for the foreseeable future.

Since then, I've been working from home, designing, sewing, making youtube videos and all round just being more creative. Lockdown although difficult to handle has done one thing for me and that's encourage my creativity which I am eternally grateful for despite the horrible circumstances that caused it. Our Christmas day was very different to the usual craziness and hectic nature of days with my family (although I do love a crazy Christmas), spending it just us and our flatmate, my partner making us an amazing Christmas dinner (with a vegan one to match for our flatmate) and many many video calls to family (I did also did some boxing day shopping online - I refuse to apologise to anyone except my bank account for this).

That brings me to now, around 1am on Friday the 1st of January, 2021. This new years was very different, spent relaxing on the couch, filming and editing a youtube video (will be up today - my 2021 manifestations), and playing a lot of Pokemon on my 3DS. 2020 was a roller coaster of emotions, excitement, stress, elation, worry, laughter and confusion. It was a year of political unrest, injustice, tensions worldwide, and the entire world being turned on its head in a few short months. However it was also the year I moved out of home and across the world at 19 years old with my best friend and partner in crime. It was the year we created a life for ourselves and battled the circumstances that flew at us, the year I met some amazing new friends I'll have for life, and the year I've realised the importance of pursuing my dreams.

So although I want to put a huge middle finger up to 2020 as a whole, there were small moments throughout that made it bearable, and ultimately worthwhile. But here's to hoping 2021 doesn't suck as much d*ck as 2020 did.

<3 Happy new years everyone x Love AKA