I was planning today to write about something fun, possibly my favorite brands at the moment, clothing trends I love in 2021 or possibly even trends I can't stand! However when I sat down to start writing today I couldn't help but feel deflated. It's currently 11pm in the evening, and I've had a very minimally productive day. I had around 12 things on my to do list today including exercise, some creative sewing, and taking some photos for instagram, but yet, I probably ticked off maybe two things.
I know I should possibly be proud of that, as in lockdown even two things is an achievement, but I just can't help feeling like I'm stuck in a rut, and I've had the realisation that this third lockdown is really starting to get to me. For those of my Aussie friends who have hardly had any of the effects of the pandemic apart from not being able to travel, you may not understand this feeling. Of course it's nice to have the time for creativity and relaxation, but the days repeat, over and over again.
It feels to be a constant battle in the mind, on one hand being grateful I have this time to create and relax, and on the other hand being so internally frustrated that we're stuck inside. Sometimes my brain wants to get a million things done and be super productive, and the next minute I want to curl up in a ball in the middle of the floor and cry. Perhaps the biggest struggle of all is the mental toll this past year can take on a person, and the fact that I should give myself time to chill, but at the same time if I'm not being productive my brain just shuts down.
Honestly I'm not even sure where this blog post is going, I'm just word splurging at this point. I constantly have this urgency to propel myself forward in creativity and life, and then somehow end up having days like today where I just... do.... nothing. It's almost like I'm constantly waiting for a sign or for something to be like, "yes! start now!" and when it inevitably doesn't come, I just don't do what I want to do. It's like a level of procrastination like no other. When am I ever going to have this time again to just create and be with myself?
This little word splurge has actually helped a bit I think, and a few tears have been shed. So if you waded through to the end of this word jumble mess that didn't really merge into a proper blog post, thanks <3 I hope you're doing okay.
Love, AKA
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